she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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