Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
