I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk is not a location!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
