I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
