How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
