12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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