He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
