adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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