I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
