He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
