that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
