So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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