So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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