I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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