I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
