she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
