He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
