I molested 6 butterflies tonight
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
