As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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