Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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