I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
