I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
