We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize