your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
