I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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