Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
