Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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