after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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