D3 body, D1 cock
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
