Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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