you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
