Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
