Apparently you make a good broom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
