you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
