i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
