I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
