You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
