Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your cock deserves a montage
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
