Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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