Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
