Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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