never play flip cup with pint glasses
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
