He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
