he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
