Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
