Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
