Duck Duck Cougar?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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