grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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