when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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