Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
