Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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