when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
false alarm. still invincible.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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