Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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