turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
