people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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