After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
