based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
