forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
