i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
