I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
