Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize