Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
