ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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