i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
