sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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