I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
