There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
