I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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