so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
