Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
