I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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