And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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