As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
