I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
