dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
