I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
