census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
