I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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