Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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