he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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