you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize