Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
