not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
