Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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