I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
