This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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