Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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