Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
