i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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