Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
