I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
