I haven't been this sober since birth.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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