Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
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