I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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