pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
