24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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