they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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